A painful goodbye
by purplepidgioncommandbase
Summary: Edward has lost control and now he is paying the ultimate sacrife: Leaving Bella behind and dying a much deserve death by Carlisle. AU because YES! i do know that this would never happen!


Sadly I do not own anything Twilight whatsoever. *Sniff*

What have I done? I truly was a monster.

Lying before me were the bodies of 23 students of Forks High School who were completely drained of their blood and were now snow white.

What would Bella think? She would run of course. She would finally see me for the monster I was and not only would I have to live with the guilt of taking several human lives but also scaring away the only woman I had ever truly loved.

Blood covered me from head to foot. If you saw me you would think that I had just jumped into a lake of blood.

I sat in the school gym with my knees curled up to my chest just staring at the corpses before me. I knew I was damned before but now I would truly suffer for what I was and what I had done.

I heard a gasp. I looked up and saw my entire family, along with my Bella staring in shock at the scene before them.

"Edward what have you done?" said Carlisle in a voice barely above a whisper. I looked away from them. I couldn't face them like this I couldn't bare to see the betrayal and hurt that I heard I heard from their thoughts on their faces. Their thoughts were all true of course.

"I couldn't control myself. All I could hear was the blood rushing through their veins and the pounding of their hearts. It was just so loud! There were so many thoughts at once that I just couldn't take it anymore and the bloodlust was so strong that I grabbed the first human I could and bit into them. One by one I sucked them all dry" I began to dry sob.

I heard Bella's heartbeat accelerate and I looked up at her. She had tears staining her cheeks and I so badly wanted to get up and comfort her but I was the cause of her tears so all I would do is make even more tears so I compromised with just staring into her deep chocolate eyes.

Jasper was having a hard time smelling all the blood in the room so Alice took him out of the gym and back to her waiting red Porsche.

"Everyone, wait outside. Edward and I need to talk" everyone hesitated then obliged with a look from Carlisle and exited the gym. Everyone, but Bella, Carlisle looked at her pleadingly. "I want to stay," she said firmly. Carlisle looked at her remorsefully then walked over to me.

Once he reached me he squatted down in front of me. "Son, you have no idea how disappointed I am in you. You were always able to resist your instincts, even when you were around Bella. I don't want to have to punish you" he said the last part so quietly that only a vampire could hear, probably so not to alarm Bella.

"You can get better though Edward. We can move back to Alaska until you have your urges back under control" but that would take me away from Bella and I didn't have the strength to stay away from her.

"You know there's only one way to make sure that this doesn't happen again. You know as well as I do that the moment a vampire drinks from a human it's almost impossible to stop. When you were changed you locked yourself away, preparing to die but then you found a new food source, a source that mainly only worked for newborns. I can't start over Carlisle. You have to kill me" I looked over at Bella and saw that she had her back turned as a way to divert her gaze from the blood around me and Carlisle.

"I will not kill you Edward," he said in a voice that was not to be questioned "then I'll get the volturi to do it. I've gone to them before and I can do it again" I replied. He sighed and ran a hand through his wavy blond hair. "Bella would never forgive me, I would never forgive myself" he looked me directly in the eyes and placed both his hands on my shoulders. "And I can never forgive myself for what I have done. I don't deserve life or whatever existence this is" I looked over at the corpses. He pinched my chin and brought my face back to his.

"I gave you life Edward. By killing you it would be like killing a part of myself" now he was the one who had to look away "please Carlisle. Just take away this pain I'm feeling so that I can finally go to my last destination," I pleaded. He pinched the bridge of his nose then looked back at me. "Bella shouldn't have to see this. I've put her through enough already" he nodded in agreement then got up from the floor and walked back over to Bella who still had her back turned to the wall.

I listened and watched as Carlisle told Bella that she should step out for a few minutes. She looked back at me and as if she could read both of our minds she sank to her knees and began to sob. Carlisle leaned down and allowed her to cry into his shoulder. Making it soaking wet with the tears of my beloved Bella.

Then Bella got up and walked over to me. Tears were still cascading down her cheeks and I so badly wanted to wipe them away but I restrained myself from doing so. She stopped in front of me and sat down in front of me.

She took a shaky breath then began to speak. "Why did you have to go and do this Edward?" she didn't even bother to wipe away her tears "I don't know. I lost control. I allowed my inner demon to come out and kill these innocent teenagers. I hate myself with such a passion that I wish to god that Jane was here so that she could torture me for every year that these teenagers will never get to have" I began to dry sob again and she reached out to try and touch me but I flinched away.

"I don't deserve your touch Bella, I don't even deserve to look into her beautiful chocolate eyes of yours" I looked down at my hands and I took a useless intake of breath from the amount of blood that covered my hands. Human blood.

She put her finger beneath my chin and I was too weak for her touch to resist as she raised my head so that I was looking at her.

"I will never stop loving you Edward, no matter how hard you think I should, I can never picture you as being a monster" she leaned in and kissed me. I was so desperate to kiss her one more time that I kissed back passionately. I ran my hand through her hair and pulled her in closer. She ran her hand through my hair, clutching at my bronze curls.

When she finally pulled away she was out of breath. "You are the most important person to me. And even though I wont be around physically I'll always be with you spiritually. Watching over you" I kissed her on the forehead.

Carlisle was now standing behind her. "Its time" he said in a grave voice. Bella looked at me one last time then threw her arms around me. She whispered. "I love you Edward Cullen, always and forever" she kissed me on the neck then got up from the floor and ran away. With blood staining her jeans and shirt.

I looked up at Carlisle who had a pained expression on his face. "Do it" he walked behind me and soon all I saw was nothing but nothingness all around me.

**Author's Note: Man this would have to be one of the only stories that I've written that made me cry. Ironic huh? Me the author and yet and I'm the one who ends up crying. REVIEW PLEASE!**


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